Be Dazzled

**Practice This**

When is the last time, or a time, when you felt dazzled?  Give yourself a moment to remember.  Remember the details of that moment - what did you see, who was with you, what was the temperature, what were you wearing, where were you? Be there again and bring the feeling of being dazzled into your body. This feeling is you.  

So why don't you walk around feeling dazzled all the time? 

Because your (as in, our) family, schools and jobs taught you to:  

• Think things through  
• Identify your position, then convince others of it's validity
• Explain yourself
• Rationalize your behavior 

None of this is particularly dazzling.  Right?

These are all functions of the brain that make experience predictable and known. There is nothing wrong with this.  In fact, this mechanism is a blessing in times of danger or when executing technical actions.  

         For example, when you hear a sound and your brain says, 

"That is the same sound that the tiger that almost mauled you 

two weeks ago made. Giddy up!"

And, when you are cooking a roast and remember, 

"last time I did this, I left it in a half hour too long." 

Thanks brain; that was super helpful!  

More Than The Known  
We live in a society that elevates the value of what can be seen, measured, predicted and controlled.  So much so that we have accustomed ourselves to perceiving the world through the (unexamined) belief 'what is best is what is known.'  

When I don't know what the heck is going on I feel uncomfortable.  I am so trained - like Pavlovian dog trained - to equate knowing what is going on with feeling safe that when I do not understand what is occurring I feel uneasy. Even when there is no danger or technical action to perform.  How is it that my automatic reaction to not knowing what is going on is to think, think, think, so I can know? How is it that it is not "natural" for me to surrender to an experience that I don't understand and let it dazzle me? 

Again, this excerpt from The Voice of Knowledge by Don Miguel Ruiz helps explain this.  Please be kind with yourself; being socialized is not a personal failing.  

Thinking can get in the way of Love when you confuse what you think with who you are. You cannot think your way into being dazzled any more than you can think your way into Love.  Love is. Love is who you are.   

Question Your Thinking 
Teachers across traditions use self-inquiry as a method of dis-identifying with thinking. Simply put, question your thoughts to experience being the awareness of thought rather than the thoughts themselves: 

Who would you be without your story?

You never know until you inquire.

There is not a story that is you

or that leads to you. 

Every story leads away from you. 

Turn it around; undo it. 

You are what exists before all stories. 

- Byron Katie

Rest Your Brain
Honor the brain by letting it rest.  When you let your mind rest, you will find it is easier to move out of your head and into your heart. When you are quiet and still it is easier to experience who you are: 
~ loving awareness 
~ loving awareness of your brain 
~ loving awareness of the thoughts you think
~ loving awareness of the stories you tell 
~ loving awareness of the feelings in your body
~ loving awareness of everything
~ loving awareness 

Be dazzled.  

Stage IV Ego Inflammation Disorder

Feedback is Challenging 

After 2 years of physical pain and being treated by several different allopathic and naturopathic practitioners, I hired  Mona Lisa Schultz for a medical intuitive reading. After a couple minutes in silence, she gave me a two minute summary of what she perceived to be the energetic source of my pain.  Then she said, "you can have a full refund if this initial summary does not resonate with you. Every once in awhile, a client reports that I am not reading them accurately.  If that is the case for you I will refund all your money. Would you like to proceed?"  

I did not like what she had to say; the reading was not what I expected or wanted to hear. Her synopsis of the core challenges in my life threatened my identity.  She was seeing things about me that I didn't see. Even though my ego was getting rowdy, my trust and respect for Mona Lisa gave me the courage to choose her reading, to let her see me, to receive her feedback.  

Distinguishing Feedback

Feedback is not a list of grievances.  That is complaining. 

Feedback is not convincing someone of all the errors they have made.  That is fault-finding.  

Feedback is not telling the other person what they need to do differently. That is giving advice that nobody asks for or wants. 

Feedback is sharing what you see/feel could be going on for somebody else that they may not see themselves
because they are in the midst of the goings on.  

Choice and trust are the first containers for feedback. When you give and receive feedback, you are allowing someone else to see you. This vulnerability can trigger any or all of the following unconscious and painful beliefs: 

• being a good person means nobody else can see a place for you to grow
• if someone sees an opportunity for you to grow, what they are really seeing is that you suck
• if someone sees an opportunity for you to grow that you didn’t see first, you are inferior
• people who love you won’t expect you to grow
• the most important thing is being comfortable 
• you can control how other people perceive you
• addressing fear and violence in the world is separate from addressing fear and violence in your heart

Feedback and neural plasticity exist side by side. Your availability to give and receive feedback (versus blame, fault-find or complain) is directly related to how confident you feel in your ability to choose what to think at any moment.  (If you assume you can choose what you think at any moment, take a moment and list all the things that people, you included, need to do to "shape up."  That list shows you where you do not choose what to think.)

Giving Feedback

You are not available to give feedback to someone if:

• you are suspicious of their motives
• you are mad at them for something in the past
• you are upset with them for something in the present
• you are trying to control their behavior to avoid something in the future
• they have to agree with you to prove to you that they respect you
• you are right and the other person is wrong and your mission is to make the other person see that
• you have a plan that someone has to follow in order for you to forgive them
• you are not comfortable telling that person how awesome they are

If any of those things are between you and another person, feedback is not possible, only fault-finding.  

Hearing Feedback

• Remember it is your choice whether or not to receive someone's feedback. If someone is forcing feedback on you, it is not feedback. It is unsolicited advice at best.  
• Keep in mind that people can only see in others what they see in themselves.
• If you feel triggered by feedback, you can ask yourself if you trust this person.  If not, the two of you have some talking or parting to do. 
• Consider that you are doing someone an enormous honor by listening to their feedback.  

Recovery and Freedom in Neural Pathways

Recovery
As far as I know, there is no 12-Step program for believing your thoughts.  If there were, I would have gone to meetings because at points in my life believing what my mind said about me, other people, and the moment was destructive.  Consider that you have internalized the following beliefs so deeply that they are now unconscious assumptions: 

• there is something you need to do or have to be okay
• external knowledge is more reliable than direct experience
• feeling uncomfortable means something is wrong
• thinking is the best way to experience something
• growing means that you haven't figured things out which means you're a loser
• your thoughts are true

I know that these assumptions have deep roots in my brain.  If you are interested, you can watch this 2 minute video that shows what old and new thoughts look like in your brain, in your neural network.

The Work - Questioning Your Thinking
Some of you are already familiar with Byron Katie.  If you are not, she is a teacher and writer who discovered that her debilitating depression (it got so bad she was unable to get out of bed) was caused by believing her thoughts.   Her suffering was relieved when she questioned her thoughts - Is it true that my friend's girlfriend hates me?  Is it true that my son needs to get good grades?  Is it true that my marriage is not working?  Is it true that I'm a quitter?

The beginning, middle and end of Byron Katie's work is that we suffer when we believe our thinking and we liberate ourselves when we question our thinking.  That's it.  The Work is her technique for teaching people how to question their thinking.  The worksheets for doing The Work are at that link.  What I found helpful, when first learning how to do The Work, was to look at the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet and then watch Byron Katie coach other people: check this example out.  

Neural Plasticity

There is a boatload of research demonstrating that neural plasticity - your ability to undo and create neural pathways - is key for health and well being.  I could rant about the value of cultivating neural plasticity but this blog post by best selling author Lynne McTaggart does a great job doing that.  Byron Katie's Work helps people create neural plasticity.  The Work literally opens people's minds.  Open minds have choices. Open minds serve open hearts. Open minds Love. 

**  Neural Plasticity Experiment Part 1 **

A. Right now, think about something in your life that is not working out like you'd like it to  How is it working out, instead?  What needs to happen so it works out in a way that you'd like it to go?  What are you afraid of happening if things don't go the way you want them to go?

B1. You can go to The Work link above and use the Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet with whatever area is not working out.  Don't worry about doing it "right;" just give it a go.  See what happens.  This is participatory action research!

OR

B2. Imagine things go the opposite way that you'd like them. Imagine the worst case scenario, what would happen?  Now, pretend you're a Psychology Professor lecturing on how the worst case scenario is actually the best case scenario.  Pretending to be the Psychology Professor, tell yourself a story about the power of the worst case scenario. 

** Neural Plasticity Experiment 2 **

If you watched the neural networks video I linked above, you have an idea of what neural pathways look like.  If you didn't, then pretend you know what they look like. Now close your eyes and imagine neural pathways in your brain connecting . Imagine you are consciously creating new pathways.  Imagine you are changing old pathways.  Imagine that the color of the neural networks changes when you change your thoughts.

Trust your brain.  Trust your heart.  Trust You.  

You are Loving Awareness.  

These inquiries and experiments are for fun.  

You don't need any fixing up!  

You are perfect as you are.  

Birds and Sharks and Truth, Oh My!

Bird's and Songs
I am regularly astounded, astounded I tell you, at how neurotic my mind is.  For example, lately my mind is wondering whether certain people (not you!) resent me for expressing myself.  I have this feeling that when I sing my song, some people think that means I think I have the answer.   

This is called neurosis.  This experience is in my head, it causes anxiety and it is persistent. 

In the past, I would judge myself for an experience like this. I would discredit my intuitive sense of things and decide I was out of integrity because I was not assuming the best about people.  Not this time.  I'm throwing a big 'ol "I am loving awareness of my thinking and my feelings and so ons and so forths" on that neurosis.  

I practice remembering who I am - loving awareness - and I invite other people to practice with me.  If some people don't like that, I can live with that.  

Sharks and Blood
I'm learning to trust myself without making other people wrong.  This learning crystalized a few months ago when Alice Riccardi (owner and Director of Teachers at Portland Power Yoga) wrote a Facebook post about sharks.  Essentially, she wrote that it is neither wise nor compassionate to pretend sharks are like kittens.  It is not kind to sharks to make them out to be something other than what they are.  They are sharks.  If you are bleeding and jump into a shark tank, no amount of wishful thinking will prevent you from being eaten alive.  Better to see the shark for what it is and not put it in the position to eat you alive.  Good for you.  Good for shark.  

It is possible that some people think I think I have an answer and want to eat me alive for that.  I don't know one way or the other. If that situation arises in real life, rather than just in my neurotic brain, I will not jump in a shark tank with a bleeding wound.   I have no answers.  People can practice with me or not.  People can eat a bologna sandwich or watch The Big Bang Theory or do any number of things.  

Opening and Closing
Part of being open in your mind and open in your heart is seeing where you are closed in your mind and closed in your heart.  Loving kindness practice involves bringing light to dark places.  In you. Seeing the darkness in you can be confronting.  

Like, "shit, I was off judging so and so for days, months, years before I realized that I was doing that.  I didn't even think I was judging them.  I just thought I was right!"  I mean, it takes courage to see that kind of pattern and continue facing the truth.  

What I do is listen to sweet stories to calm my mind after seeing something that I consider "dark."  If you don't know Mooji yet, he is a lovely teacher.  This 7 1/2 minute video is called Don't Try to Love Everybody. Mooji basically says, "don't jump in a shark tank."  I would add - whether it's real or imagined.    

**Friendly Reminder**

The impact of Love Like That will expand exponentially with:

• a regular meditation practice
• a regular physical practice
• someone or something that you are accountable to

Katy Perry Picks Up What Osho Puts Down

Stories That are Good for Me
I drove down to RI this morning to spend time with my dad.  He just had hip replacement surgery.  In the car, I listened to several youtube videos.  I am so grateful for teachers who tell stories that  highlight abundance, fun, wonder and surprise.  And, stories that remind me that love and beauty and strength can be found anywhere - even in the most dire circumstances. Stories like this encourage neural plasticity and an open heart.  For me, at least. 

So, I consciously bring these kinds of stories toward me.  Hearing them prepares me for the times I notice I am telling and/or listening to a story that probably would not be included in the "Best of Abundance and Empowerment" 2014 edition.  No abundance?  No empowerment?  No problem!  

Caught Between a Rock and a Hip Place
My dad's physical therapist told him that he should not drive for another two weeks so I drove him to the supermarket this afternoon.  When I pulled up to the front door, another car was there and positioned in such a way that made me being there awkward. 

Dad: Who are those idiots?
Me: Dad! Maybe they are dropping off someone who is in a similar position as you.  
Dad: Nah, they are a bunch of young kids with no clue.
Me: How do you know that? 
Dad: I can see. I have eyes.  I can see them in their car.  They aren't looking around.  They have their heads up their asses.  

pause

Me: Dad, I have an idea.  Let's get a brick and throw it through their back window! 

We laugh.  

Fun.  Check!

Good Love Begins with the Self
Being in Love, a 10-minute talk/teaching by Osho, is one of the youtube videos I listened to as I drove to RI this morning.  The way Osho talks about love inspires me to pay attention. I highly recommend you give it a listen.  

Osho may not be your cup of tea.  No problem.  Teachers, healers, storytellers and restorers across traditions and cultures share this same message in a variety of ways: your willingness to remember and love who you are is essential.  Regarding yourself as an emperor is not wishful thinking; it's logical. If you don't get you are awesome, why would anyone else?  

Katy Perry gets it!

What's your song?

Tortilla Love

For the record, nobody needs to manufacture love.  
Love is the creative intelligence that creates and transforms tiny motes of matter into mountain chains, fields of vegetables, pre-school pasta necklaces, vaccines, solar eclipses and you.
Love is who you are.
Love is.  

A loving kindness practice is a structure to support each of us remembering who we are, where we come from and what we are made of: Love.  We forget this.  Some people have forgotten this entirely. 

We practice remembering because the conscious choice to open our hearts and bring loving kindness forward - 

• smiling in traffic
• making eye contact with the convenience store clerk
• assuming the best about people
• forgiving
• serving rather than complaining

- creates peace in our minds, inspires the people around us, deepens our relationships and heals the world. 

Win. Win.  Win.  Win. 

When we aren't consciously opening our hearts, 

we are not consciously opening our hearts. 

Yes, I said that.   

When we are consciously opening our hearts, 

we are consciously opening our hearts. 

Let's do that.  

May All Beings Be Peaceful

The Love Like That project may reveal that you have the following semi-conscious beliefs stored in your brain: 

• Good people do not need loving kindness practice
• Smart people have figured everything out already 
• Strong people don't need support 
• Love and kindness is a luxury, not a necessity

If you hear a voice in your head, or from someone else, wondering who you think you are practicing loving kindness, it could be a sign of one of these beliefs surfacing.  Once you see these beliefs, once you become conscious of them, you can choose whether or not you want to strengthen them.  Personally, I do not experience that any of those beliefs are helpful to me and even still they surface from time to time. When they do, I remind myself that I feel better when I choose to cultivate loving kindness. And when I feel better, the people around me feel better.   

Really, it's this simple. 

The problem is that many of us are so busy - moving from one thing to the next, putting out fires, fulfilling other people's needs and meeting deadlines - that we don't give ourselves an opportunity to pay attention to how we feel.  In which case, how would we know what feels better?

Feeling is Healing 

My access to understanding how I feel is yoga and meditation. When I first started teaching at Portland Power Yoga, I remember Alice coming up to me while I was teaching and poking me. "What do you feel?" she would ask.  I didn't even know because I was trying so hard to teach.

Lots of people live their entire lives like this.  This is not a personal failing but the result of being taught to put a disproportionate amount of our attention and identity on goals and outcomes: 

It can be challenging to confront that you still have a great deal to discover about how you feel and how to relate with those feelings.  You might feel sad or angry that you are as ordinary as the rest of us and can benefit from bringing love and kindness forward.  If you feel sad or angry about this, practice.  One powerful loving kindness practice is reciting the metta prayer above.  

Practice is Victory

The alternative to opening your heart is being cynical.  People become cynical - dismissing the value of opening their hearts - because they think they are safer that way.  People may resist a loving kindness practice because they are afraid that they will fail.  People may worry that deep down they are real jerks and it's better to let sleeping dogs lie.  People worry that the world is not safe and an open heart makes them an easy target. With these fears, which can be unconscious, it seems safer to stay on the sidelines than get out on the field.  

Here's some great news: you cannot lose on the loving kindness field.  It's certain victory.  Yes, sometimes your heart will break.  Yes, you will continue to experience anger and confusion and fear from time to time.  However the practice of loving kindness will harness those feelings to wake you up - step by step using the dance metaphor - into your life.  That is the victory.  

But this is not something to believe.  This is something to experience.  Experience your life.