What's New?

I'm not big on new year's resolutions.  (But Woody's list is pretty rad.) Instead, I create themes for the year: 

• 2010 - the year of transformation. 
• 2011 - the year of listening to my inner knowing. 
• 2012 - the year of love
• 2013 - the year of honoring the wisdom of the unknown. 

I've since heard someone call these "Manifesting Missions."  That's cool and everything, but I'm sticking with themes.  Theme feels like a good host who welcomes and makes room for everyone. 

The annual theme emerges.  I start wondering, "what's the next year's theme going to be?"  Typically I wonder about a couple possibilities before I discover the theme that resonates deeply.  When I do, I throw my hat in the ring and start sharing with my friends and family, "2014 is the year of..."  

I don't know what the theme of 2014 is, yet.  

I do know that everything is new.  All the time.  And I know that I don't need a theme or a mission to experience what's new.  My best self - present, dynamic, connected and animated - is new.  So is yours.  

Karma Opens the Heart

People get into a heavy-duty sin and guilt trip, feeling that if things are going wrong, that means that they did something bad and they are being punished.  That’s not the idea at all. The idea of karma is that you continue to get the teaching that you need to open your heart.  To the degree that you didn’t understand in the past how to stop protecting your soft spot, how to stop armoring your heart, you’re given this gift of teaching in the form of your life, to give you everything you need to open further.

- Pema Chodron

This is what Forgiveness Looks Like

Forgiveness takes courage,

 the courage to stop bullets in mid-air. 

There is no end to fear.  As long as we live on a planet with genocide, starvation, environmental destruction, sexual violence, intolerance, and conditional acceptance we will feel fear.  We are all connected.  There is no end to love. As long as we live on a planet with waterfalls, heirloom tomatoes, vaccines, a daily sunrise, kindness from strangers, good roads, a passionate kiss, an engaging book, and strong quadriceps we will feel love.  We are all connected.

Although we may not end fear, we can transform each fear into courage and forgiveness.  This is a great gift to give ourselves and each other.  But, we forget we can do this.  When we forget, a part of us may try to protect ourselves from more suffering by withdrawing.   

Forgiveness is not this
Someone close to you keeps doing something that causes him to suffer and you pay attention to his suffering.  Predictably, you now suffer.  To get some relief from your own suffering, you draw a line and say, "that's his problem, not mine." This is not forgiveness.  

A co-worker does something that bothers you but you don't know how to talk about it; you ignore it.  To get some relief from feeling irritated, you focus on other things.  This is not forgiveness.  

You decide that there is so much environmental pollution today because of other people's small-mindedness.  Seeing things this way brings you some relief because you see a way out - "get rid of the morons, bring in the people with half a brain!"  This is not forgiveness. 

You hear about a group of people killing someone else for no reason and you think, "I'm glad I don't live in a place like that."  This is not forgiveness.

Those examples are not condemnations, by the way. They are simply some ways I have avoided facing my fears and forgiving.  Either you relate to them, or you don't.    

You don't withhold forgiveness because you're a jerk. 
You withhold forgiveness because forgiveness seems threatening, impossible (stopping bullets impossible) and inauthentic.  It is!

Forgiveness is threatening, impossible and inauthentic 

for your ego/personality/unconscious 

ways of perceiving the world.  

Forgiveness is an expression and expansion of your best self - present, dynamic, conscious and connected!

• like Neo stopping bullets, 
• like the Amish of Nickel Mines.
• like Immaculee Ilibagiza,
• like Malala Yousafzai.

When you forgive someone, you are an alchemist. You are transforming the energy of fear and separation into courage and connection.  Please do not underestimate what an impact this has not only on you and your immediate peeps, but the entire world:

If there is to be peace in the world...

... there must be peace in the heart

Lao Tzu

Transforming fear and separation into courage and connection - this is an amazing gift to give.  Right?!??  Let's give it up!


** Practice Giving Great Gifts **

Make a list of all the people who you have not forgiven.  Write down the names of people who have wronged you, where it's clear to anyone with half a marble that they did something to you, that they were/are at fault.  It could be a big deal, but it could be simply that your teenager son always makes you late.     

Think of the people you are avoiding, the people who you don’t prefer to be around.  Look at that list and consider that they bring something up for you that you have not yet forgiven.

If you are not sure whether or not you forgive them, ask yourself "If I find myself behind them in the check-out line, do I feel confident I can access genuine goodwill for them?"  If not, put 'em on the list!

Write your name down, too.  Write down all the things you haven't forgiven yourself for.  If you're not sure what you haven't forgiven yourself for, write down the names of people who you have failed, the projects you should have done, and where you are not doing what you believe you should do.  That will help clarify.

Once you have your list complete, go through the list and name the fear that it is the way of you forgiving that person or yourself.  Start where you are.  What fear is keeping you from forgiving?  

Once you see the fear, ask yourself whether you are willing to allow courage, vulnerability and power (see The Power of Vulnerability) to transform that fear to forgiveness? In other words, you don't have to know how to forgive or even forgive in a particular moment.  Simply ask yourself if you are willing to allow forgiveness. 

~self judgement alert ~ self judgement alert ~ self judgment alert~

As you make these lists, notice if you start judging yourself for not forgiving people.  See that part of your thinking mind and label it "the habit of judging and evaluating myself."  

Judging yourself is out and freedom is in.  

Are There Monsters Under the Bed?

I have been a member of the First Parish Unitarian Universalist in Portland for almost ten years.  About a year ago, I was asked to talk about fear during the children's portion of the service. This is what I said: 

Fear is the feeling we have when we are scared.  

Who here has been scared?  We all have.

My nephew and niece used to be scared of dogs.  Really scared.  They would cry and run when they saw a dog.   Is anyone here afraid of dogs?  Or, used to be?  They can be scary if you’re not used to them.  

When you look your fear straight in the face, do you know what that’s called?  Courage.  I’m going to tell you a short story about finding courage.  

Emma used to be afraid of talking with people at restaurants.  If we were at a restaurant, she wouldn’t order her own food.  Has that happened to any of you?  Scared of talking with people you don’t know? 

Well, one day Emma wanted a donut and I said to her, “If you want a donut, I’ll give you $1 and you can go in and order one for yourself.”  She cried and cried and even yelled.  She was afraid but she really wanted that donut….

Emma discovered something that was even more powerful than her fear, something that gave her the courage to face the fear -  Independence. Her wanting to make her own choices helped her face her fear.  

She went in and got the donut.  And after that, her fear hasn’t stopped her from being independent.  

My niece and nephew's love for Emma, who had a dog named Jake, gave them the courage to face their fear.  They wanted to be able to come over and see her more than they wanted to avoid dogs. Now, they are good friends with Jake and they can tolerate other dogs.  

Fear and courage go together.  Like, feet and shoes.  If people didn’t have feet, we wouldn’t have shoes. Right?  Same thing.  If people weren’t ever afraid, we wouldn’t have courage. 

Does courage mean that you aren’t scared?  No.  It means that even though you are scared, you look that fear right in the face anyway.  That’s what courage is.  

Facing our fears helps us grow!  And guess what?  We never stop growing. Adults face their fears and grow, too.  But now it’s not our parents reminding us it’s okay to be afraid and giving us a chance to discover something stronger than fear.  It’s our friends, our colleagues, our partners, our families and all the people who tell us the truth.  

Better to Speak

Fear 
Fear gets such a bad rap.  Like, being afraid of something is an indication of personal weakness.  So people resist fear by not speaking about it or by rationalizing the fear as "real."  

It's absurd.  Fear is simply a feeling, a spot on communication from your body that either:

• I am in immediate danger or, 
• I am thinking in ways that are not congruent with my best self 

Facing Fear
I am so grateful that my fears fall into the realm of "thinking in ways that aren't congruent with my best self" rather than present moment survival issues.  Some people are looking some serious survival issues in the face right now.  They are confronting domestic violence, genocide, hunger, slavery right now. 

One way to honor the struggle of people everywhere is to face our struggles here.  The best way to respect the fears we don't have is to deal with the fears we do have.  We can stop dismissing our fears as not good enough. We can stop avoiding fears with the excuse that they are real rather than possibilities in our head that we've simply given a disproportionate amount of attention.  

Here's what works for me.  Maybe it will work for you: 

Don't believe your thoughts.  Whatever thoughts you have that create the feeling of fear, don't believe them. If you must, you can leave room for the possibility that the fear is real, but don't assume it is.  Focus on the possibility of things going either way.  

You may be surprised to notice that it's challenging to let go of fear-based thinking and focus on things going either way.  Don't beat yourself up if it's hard.  It's been hard for me, too. 

Fear-based identities
I stayed in graduate school for five years longer than I needed to because of a fear that people would find out that I was substandard and a fraud.  To compensate for that fear, I began a PhD program so I could get a credential that would prove I was good enough. 

Some of you got jobs, quit jobs, married, divorced, moved, cheated, exercised, went on diets, stopped doing what you love to do, to prove that you are okay. 

The problem with this approach is that the fear doesn't go away, it simply gets ignored.  

When I finally had the courage to look my fear in the face and conclude that the graduate program I was in had nothing to do with my calling but everything to do with my ego (remember that article I linked a few days ago?), I had built an identity and life around my fear.  So, letting go of the fear meant letting go of my identity as a graduate student, my regret about the debt I incurred, my plans for the future, my daily/weekly routine in terms of how I spent my time, and judging myself for not understanding all of this sooner.  

If you built a life, a marriage, a career, relationships, identities from fear-based thinking, you are not alone.  You are simply courageous and loving enough to see "the way it is" without judgement.  

Fear is inevitable
Audre Lorde completely transformed my life by writing the poem A Litany for Survival.  Honestly, I'm not going overboard saying that.  She helped me stop running from fear:  

...when our stomachs are full we are afraid
of indigestion
when our stomachs are empty we are afraid
we may never eat again
when we are loved we are afraid
love will vanish
when we are alone we are afraid
love will never return
and when we speak we are afraid 
our words will not be heard 
nor welcomed
but when we are silent
we are still afraid

So it is better to speak
remembering
we were never meat to survive. 

** Try This! **
Write out all your fears.  No fear is too small or too big.  Just write them out on however many sheets of paper necessary.  Daily fears, once in a while fears, material fears, existential fears.  

That's all.  The exercise is to write out all your fears and keep writing until there are no fears left to name. 

Notice your excuses for not writing them out: 

1. I don't have time
2. I'm just reading these emails sometimes, I picked General Admission so that I could choose when to engage Real Like That
3. I've done this before
4. I don't understand the point

You don't have to do anything.  You are under NO obligation!  And:

1. You make time for what matters.  Sharing your best self more and more matters.  Your best self expands in direct proportion to your willingness to transform avoiding fear to seeing fear. 
2. This is the time to engage Real Like That. 
3. Good!  Do it again. 
4. You don't have to understand something to experience it. 

Explaining our Power Away

Each of us has been raised in the age of reason and socialized to value reason over intuition.  Reason is verifiable, visible and free of prejudice.  Intuition is subjective and suspect. Our families, teachers, supervisors and peers all emphasize the supremacy of reason as a way of knowing.   

Reason has a time and place.  However, reasoning is one way of knowing, not the only way of knowing. You can also know through your heart, through your intuition, through your gut.  

Consciously, we know that rationalizing is not always the best approach for decision making. You make decisions that make no rational sense - you help someone you don't know, you forgive, you choose to put your attention on what's strong when everyone else is focused on what's weak.  The people I admire allow their hearts and spirits to guide them..  

Despite consciously understanding that rationalizing is not inevitable, I we feel threatened - attacked, humiliated, scared, confused - my automatic way of interpreting my experience is to rationalize.  In other words, when I feel backed into a corner I rationalize by default not by choice.  Don't believe me; check it out for yourself.  Think of a situation where it seems like someone wronged you.  Don't you try to understand the reasons for what happened, attempt to explain their behavior, justify your behavior and otherwise package the experience in a rational linear narrative? Maybe you don't.  In which case, bravo! I mean that.  However, I do this because rationalizing the experience reassures me that I never have to go through that experience again.  If I can understand the pattern, I can avoid it and I'll be safe. Explaining the experience takes the power of it.   

The problem is, explaining things also takes the power out of me.   

Excessive attempts to explain experience reduces a miraculous life of seasons turning, stars exploding, falling in love, invention and transformation to the copy of an out-dated textbook.  

We cannot solve our problems 

with the same level of thinking that created them.

- Einstein 

We are moving out of the age of reason because reason cannot address the issues of today - climate change, environmental stress, social upheaval, information distribution, the proliferation of anxiety, depression and attention-deficit.  These issues require more from us than the linear, rational cognitive approaches that sourced these challenges.   

What other ways of knowing am I willing to access?  The heart?  The gut?  The spirit? 

What if you don't believe in God?  How do you open up to miracles of existence that cannot be explained through the physical brain?

These are questions worth exploring. Go get 'em!  

The Path is Not Paved

No matter how many times I remind myself that Truth is a Pathless Land, when I feel uncomfortable - hurt, angry, afraid, confused - I want a map out of the discomfort.  And, the quicker the better.  

After 8 years of yoga practice, I have not stopped feeling like crap from time to time nor looking for ways to stop feeling like crap when I do.  What has happened is I can now distinguish my feelings from my thinking.  In other words, I can differentiate what I feel - resistance, sadness or fear - from what I think.  

For example, when I was in labor I felt unprecedented physical pain and I noticed thoughts that were not helpful.  Thoughts like, "am I dying?  Is something wrong? Will she ever get born?"  I trusted my midwife when she said, "no, there is nothing wrong and you are not dying right now. You are giving birth."  Choosing not to give attention to unhelpful thoughts made the physical experience much easier for me.  Because I was choosing, I was present and empowered.  

We are our own midwives, giving birth to ourselves over and over.  Our best selves are dynamic, changing from moment to moment.  We need to keep listening to what we think when we feel uncomfortable.  Your thinking may not be as dramatic as "I think I'm dying."  But, your thinking could be a subtle variation like: "I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life," "I suck," "nobody cares about me," "I am two steps from being institutionalized" or "I'm fundamentally flawed."  Notice the thoughts in your head when you feel crappy and label those thoughts "thinking."  You could even write them down.   

Labeling thinking as thinking reconnects me with my best self, which is my true self, the one that doesn't judge me or others, that doesn't preoccupy itself with lamenting the past or anticipating the future. My  best self is present and consciously choosing what to think.  Seeing this choice - which thoughts to water and which thoughts to leave alone - seems most challenging when I am feeling sad, angry, scared or confused.  And this is precisely when making conscious choices about what to think makes the most difference!  

The next time you feel some variety of discomfort, you could practice noticing:

• where do you feel that feeling?  where does the feeling begin and end in your body?
• does the feeling have a color?
• what texture does the feeling have?
• when did the feeling start?  
• when was the last time you felt like that?  
• what's your earliest memory of feeling like that?
• what are you thinking?
• when you believe your thinking, how does the feeling change?
• when you change your thinking, how does the feeling change?

Noticing this is not intended to fix or change anything.  I don't need fixing or changing.  Neither do you. What we need is what Krishnamurti calls the greatest expression of human intelligence - the ability to see yourself without judgement.  See the feelings, see the thinking, see the reactions, see the patterns, see the choices, see it all.  And when you notice you are judging yourself - for judging yourself, for not noticing unconscious thinking earlier, for not understanding what the heck is going on, for not knowing what is what - see that.  That's all.  Really.  I'm telling you, it's amazing just to see this mental rodeo and not get roped into it!

With that in mind, I am sharing a teaching from Pema Chodron to remind you that everything is coming together in perfect timing: 

From Proof to Miracles

"Officer, look at this picture.  I was on hold with the DMV for an hour and forty-two minutes.  My ride to drop my car off at the mechanics could not wait any longer than that; I had to go."  This is what I planned to tell a police officer if one pulled me over while I was driving with a suspended license today.  

I imagined this photo was proof that I respect the law, administrative process and the folks who work to uphold both.  So, even though my license wasn't reinstated, I felt I could drive my car to the mechanics without breaching my personal integrity.  

I love proof.  I love being able to say, "See, I respect the process."  
Or, "they said this to me.  They love me."  Or, "Check this out.  There is nothing to worry about." 

Proof, I'm finding, is a double-edged sword.  

Today, I listened to what a couple people said to me and turned those words into proof that there is something wrong:  with a relationship, with me, with how the world works.  I felt sad while  thinking like that.  It is not exactly uplifting to perceive myself, others or an experience as flawed.  

Basically, I was using what other people said or did as proof that I failed to communicate well, failed to express my love, failed to be my best self. 

WTH?!? 

There is nothing outside of ourselves, absolutely nothing, 
that can disprove our inherent worth and dignity.  

There is nothing outside of ourselves, absolutely nothing, 
that can prove our inherent worth and dignity.  

There is no need to prove anything to anyone.  

The value of our existence does not need proving, it needs conscious remembering.  

It's a miracle that people can feel so profoundly sad and confused and love anyway.  It's a miracle that people can fall headfirst into despair and rise encouraged.  It's a miracle that the sun shines, the wind blows, that we never know what the next moment holds.  It's a miracle that nothing can tarnish the perfection of who you are, not even your doubt or disbelief.  

Ordinary is Best

We must be willing to be completely ordinary people, 

which means accepting ourselves as we are without trying to become greater, purer, more spiritual, more insightful.  

If we can accept our imperfections as they are, quite ordinarily, then we can use them as part of the path.  But if we try to get rid of our imperfections, then they will be enemies, obstacles, on the road to our "self improvement." 

Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche 

I love Baptiste Power Yoga.  I went to Level One Teacher training with Baron Baptiste this August.  Hanging on the wall in front of him, in enormous letters so that Baron could always see it was a poster saying:

I am a concern for looking good. 

I thought that was pretty bold.  It seems to me that we are either unconscious about wanting to look good, or assuming it is important to look good.  In these cases, our egos are in charge.  If you're thinking, "no, not me, I don't care about what people think," I suggest you consider that you care that people think you don't care what people think.  I suggest that you are as ordinary as the rest of us. Just like the rest of us, you have a personality/ego that wants to look good.  This is not a personal deficiency; it is a characteristic of being human.  

What I love about Baron's sign is that it turns the whole ego "problem" on its head.  There is no problem.  There is no need to try to get over wanting to look good.  There is an ordinary concern for looking good that we can see when it arises.  That's all.   

I saw these ordinary moments today:  

1. I made my nephew an ice cream cake this morning.  Earlier this week I let my daughter talk me into buying the mega-stuff Oreos for the crust rather than the plain ones.  As I was smushing the Oreos into the bottom of the pan, it seemed like there was a shortage of cookie and an excess of cream.  "I should have followed my instincts and gotten the plain Oreos. I'm an irresponsible aunt."
2. My daughter pointed out how crabby I was acting this afternoon. I thought about going ballistic yelling, "are you kidding me?!?  Want to see crabby? You haven't seen anything yet!!!" I thought I would probably get more help with dinner if I used that approach and that pissed me off.  
3. My brother said he and his family are going to my sister's this weekend.  Nobody invited me.  "What is wrong with me?" I thought.  

Ordinary experience at its best. 

We're getting free here, people! Freedom from being anything other than who we are.  Freedom is the name of the game.  Freedom is the path!   

The Best Present

Our best self lives in the present. 

"Yeah, but what if the present is kind of crappy?" 

I'm guessing Rosa Parks felt pretty crappy when she said she wasn't going to give up her seat on the bus. 

I'm guessing President Abraham Lincoln felt pretty crappy during the Civil War. 

We are no different than either of them.  We get to have a path worth feeling crappy for, too.  

Instead of a Civil Rights struggle, your path may be keeping some small sliver of sanity while raising children.  Your path may be letting go of the past.  Your path may be paying the bills.  This holiday season, your path may be practicing gratitude and abundance in the presence of strained relationships.  

So, what is it?  What is your path now?  Not the one from 5 years ago - what are you up to right now?  What inspires you to be present and make conscious choices, even when you are uncomfortable?  This article by Shelley Prevost will help you identify a path for your best self; your calling.  (Here's a hint, you're already on it.) 

Your best self is not always riding the pegasus of victory through fields of lotus flowers; it may be stomping through a barren field with half a peanut butter sandwich. 

Honoring the Path
We honor our path by naming and sharing it.  Once you identify your path (get in touch with me if you want any support with this), share it with at least 2 people.  You can do that!
  

The Carbonite Freeze

Do you remember this scene from Star Wars: Return of the Jedi?

I saw it in my mind's eye today and I thought, "I feel like that sometimes."  But, it wasn't until I sat down to write this that I 
remembered when:

Who's to say what being your best self looks like?  Who's to say I wasn't being my best self when I was all caught up in the back and forth with Emma?  What happened, happened. Now what?

The point of paying attention to our best selves is to pay attention to now.  Our best selves always occur NOW. 

My ideas about what I think my best self looks like have nothing to do with anything. 

Your ideas about what you think your best self looks like have nothing to do with anything. 

Best selves are too expansive, creative and mysterious to be boxed in by expectations.  

Best selves are present, dynamic, connected and consciously choosing.  And, sometimes they have some shiz to deal with.  

Sometimes, there's a delay.  

Sometimes, you too might feel like you just emerged from a carbonite freeze.   

Be grateful for the troubles and stresses in your life.  Without struggle, you might not express those 3-5 qualities without which you wouldn't be you.  It's fitting to remember that there is no open without closed, far without near, nor light without dark on the shortest day of the year. 

Power of Paradox

One the one hand, I don't have to do a thing - get someone the right gift, act nicer, react less, exercise more - to be my best self. I am incredible as I am.  (I don't mean I'm more incredible than anyone else. We are all incredible just as we are.)  

On the other hand, I forget this.  And when I forget that I am my best self, everything is a chore.  We all forget sometimes, even Michael Jordan.

So, the paradox is that we don't have to do anything to be our best selves and yet we want to do something to remember.  Thus, I suggested documenting Real Like That, or making up a daily physical practice - to assist you in remembering.  It's helping me.

Per a teacher called Bashar, paradox is our center of power.   Whenever there seems to be a contradiction:

• I want to be excited for the family get together but I'm dreading seeing my…   
• I want to be calm and I have 8 million more gifts to wrap….
• I want to be compassionate and I'm mad as hell….
• I want to trust myself and I am not sure I do...

that indicates the existence of a fertile middle ground, beyond the contradictions, creating both.

Just because I don't know what that middle ground is yet doesn't mean it doesn't exist.  I don't know what the internet mechanism is for getting this from my keyboard to all of you, but that doesn't mean the mechanism doesn't exist.  

Allowing for this middle ground is access to peace of mind and connection.  There is no problem to figure out, no side to win.  There is simply a willingness to be connected to something we don't yet see.  

In this video link, Bashar explains the fundamental Paradox of Experience - the contradiction between intention and surrender.  His teaching embodies the spirit of the Serenity Prayer:  

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference. 

This is another video I've listened to many times.  I don't have to do a thing to be my best self.  And, I do remind myself of that regularly.   

Who We Are

Pema Chodron put what Mooji says in the Remain as You Are meditation like this - "You are the sky.  Everything else is just weather." 

* Experiment Alert *  Experiment Alert * Experiment Alert * 

As you reflect on today, and move through tomorrow, 
imagine you are the sky:  

beautiful, vast, indescribable and magnificent. 

If the sky metaphor doesn't appeal to you, pick one that does.  

Sculpture "I saw the angel in the marble and I carved until I set him free."  Michelangelo

A Spy for the Universe "For this moment, be a spy for the Universe.  Observe EVERYTHING happening right this second... your breath, your mood, the light outside... When you embrace your reality as a spy, you become liberated. You become free.  You don't time travel in your mind to the past or the future."  James Altucher.

The Ocean "The ocean does not require that the waves are still to be more ocean-like." Mooji

The Magic of Metaphor

Because metaphors are symbolic, they active the neural pathways associated with left brain functioning.  These pathways are intuitive, sensory, receptive and comfortable with mystery.  Yin.  When you activate this side of your brain you receive physiological support for shifting your perception.  You could pick up a book by squeezing it between your calf and hamstring, but it's easier to use your hands.  Likewise, you could rationalize your way into a new perception of who you are, but it's easier to imagine.  

So, pick a metaphor.  You can document your metaphor.  

(Speaking of documenting... here's a picture of how I documented day one. I used my favorite medium - 4 by 6 index cards, a glue stick and colorful paper.  3 minutes later - shaZAM!)

Bring Metaphor to Life 

What are you paying attention to?  What areas of your life are getting a lot of your thinking time today?

• Your business  
• A particular relationship 
• Sex 
• A creative project 
• Money 
• Holiday get togethers
• Climate change

What kinds of thoughts do you have about those areas?  You could write those thoughts down.  Or tell someone about them.  

Then, experiment with imagining those thoughts as clouds.  Or, as the marble being chiseled out.  Or, as information for a Spy for the Universe.  

Do you feel something shift?  

I do!

You can do an **experiment combo** (getting caaaa-rayzy!) - combine your physical practice with your metaphor experiment.  Each time you do a somersault on your bed, presence the metaphor of who you are.  

A Good Watch

If you would like another perspective on connecting with who you are beyond the roles you play, the actions you take, what you have and prefer, check out this 10-minute video Human Energy Human Power by Deepak Chopra. I have this on my youtube favorite list because it's succinct, engaging and effective. 

Real Like That: a Holiday Exploration of Giving our Best

Choose your level

General Admission $20.00 USD Orchestra $50.00 USD Back Stage Pass $99.00 USD

Wonder What???

The Wonder With Institute creates programs and services with individuals, groups and organizations to experience freedom, connection, creativity, love and joy.   

In other words, the mission of the Wonder With Institute is to pay attention to what inspires and moves people.  

Nothing New Under the Sun

Teachers and practices around the world and through the ages influence and guide the Institute's approach. We offer no new ideas or strategies for happiness and success because we don't need them.  What we need are experiences that open our heart.   

We know that it is possible to live an amazing life in any circumstance.  Viktor Frankl, Immaculee Ilibagiza, Nick Vujicic and Nelson Mandela exemplify that perception is more powerful than circumstance, that you can water the seeds of peace, freedom and happiness everywhere you are.  We are no different than any of them, or any other person who inspires us.  What is wonderful is who we are.  

We know this, even if the knowing seems to be hidden behind skepticism, rationalism, judgement or doubt. The Wonder With Institute aims to notice what makes it possible for us to connect with and draw from our inner knowing. 

Peace is an Inside Job

Lao Tzu wrote the Tao Te Ching more than 2,000 years ago.  The message is timeless:
If there is to be peace in the world, 
there must be peace in the nations. 
If there is to be peace in the nations, 
there must be peace in cities.
If there is to be peace in the cities,
there must be peace between neighbors.
If there is to be peace between neighbors
there must be peace in the home. 
If there is to be peace in the home, 
there must be peace in the heart.

No matter what you are up to - launching a new product, re-connecting with your creative juices, improving the distribution of resources, clarifying roles, mending a relationship or releasing the past -  a clear mind and peaceful heart illuminates the next step on your path.

Nobody needs fixing, finding or improving.  What we can use are opportunities to experience, cultivate and express the fullness of who we are.  

The Practice of Being Alive
What makes anyone doubt that we now have access to everything we need are various limiting beliefs that we believe to be true (rather than automatic recurring thoughts) and their corresponding behaviors.   A two-minute video narrated by Alan Watts,  suggesting music is like life, demonstrates that we have been saturated in some of these beliefs for our entire life.   We all have!

The good news is that there is no belief, habit or circumstance that can dim our inner fire.  Every time I distinguish: 

• a belief from truth 
• a habit from "the only choice available" 
• a circumstance from reality 

I deepen my relationship with the creative energy that sources innovation, liberation, connection and inspiration.  The Wonder With Institute exists to support me, and anyone else who feels this is helpful, in accessing this energy on the regular.

Don't ask what the world needs.  
Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.  

Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. 

Howard Thurman

The Big Squeeze

Necessity is the Mother of Invention
Yesterday I called the auto insurance company to make sure my policy was current. It was not and I was unable make it current because my license is suspended.

For the second time in nine months.

This June, I got pulled over for having a tail light out. While documenting that violation, the Police Officer discovered my license was suspended for failing to pay a previous tail light ticket. Ironic. Driving with a suspended license earned me a $300 fine and the officer confiscated my license.  My boyfriend took a cab to where we were so he could drive us, and the car, back home.

In addition to being frustrated with myself, I had my daughter and her friend with me. Let's just say my daughter was not pleased with me. (Want to come over next weekend? Maybe my mom will forget to turn off a burner on the gas stove.)

I never paid that $300 license suspension ticket so my license is suspended again. To get my car back on the road, I need to manifest $600 (includes brakes, registration, insurance, etc). Which I don't yet have in my checking account, or anywhere else.  I just had an emergency root canal, lost health insurance coverage and my furnace is empty.   I am not desperate.  My parents give me financial support and I am surrounded by people who share. But because of recent life changes (I'd sooner give you an IV drip of extra-strength Ambien than bore you with the details), it is so very crystal clear to me that something's got to give besides my parents' checking accounts.

Give it Up to Get Empty
The previously mentioned boyfriend and I recently decided to put our relationship on an indefinite hold (that's the way I describe it, anyway).  As we were communicating about the issues instigating this shift, I made what I thought was a particularly compelling point about where he was not taking responsibility for his well being.

"I just love it when people point out my blind spots!" said nobody ever.

What he did say was, "have you considered that you're just projecting your version of things on me?"

And since he reminded me of that in October, I've been noticing that what I felt was going on with him is going on with guess who?  Yours truly.

For example, I emailed him this quote by Emmanuel (as revealed by Pat Rodegast):
When you are tired it is not because of what you have done but what you didn't do that you wanted to do.  Bodies do not need nearly as much rest as you think they do.  What they need is release. What they need is permission to express their free-flowing passion.  That is not self-indulgence as you have all been taught, it is self-respect. 
At that time, I felt like I stumbled onto the passage for him. Right now, I experience the passage totally resonates for me.*

I've been avoiding what Ash Beckham calls "a coming out conversation." I've been avoiding coming out to everyone that I am passionate about, animated by and uniquely qualified (these are always, always, always interconnected) to coordinate individuals, groups and organizations getting access to their infinite supply of creativity, confidence, peace of mind and joy.

Why would I avoid that?  This is not a rhetorical question or an invitation to arm-chair philosophizing.  Seeing what keeps us from what we love is the access to re-connecting with it.  Seeing is essential.

If you have not read Gay Hendrick's book The Big Leap, I highly recommend it.  He suggests that we all have an internal setting, like an emotional thermostat, for well-being.  He calls it the Upper Limit Problem.  According to Hendricks, we each have an amount of happiness, success and inspiration that we are accustomed to and that is our well-being set point.  When life is working out, and there's a feeling of everything coming together, our thermostat goes over that typical setting.  At an unconscious level, the surge threatens our personality/ego because it only knows how to think and behave in ways that correspond with that lower setting.  So, we unconsciously attract a familiar setback pattern  into our life to bring our internal thermostat back down.  For me, this string of unanticipated financial responsibilities that bring up feelings of self-doubt and anxiety are my Upper Limit Problem.

Is this the only way I could interpret this situation?  No.  Is this the "right" story like other versions are "wrong"?  No.  But this perspective works for me.  In this narrative, I have access to choices that inspire me. I am choosing to continue re-setting my internal thermostat higher and higher.  There is no end to the amount of love, joy, success, abundance and connection this here human being is willing to experience!  (Those of you who are about to wretch from my pathological positivity, rest assured that Wonder With will include a "skeptics/rationalists corner.")

Phoenix Rising from the Ashes
As an expression of my willingness to expand in love, success and abundance, I am launching the  Wonder With Institute.  Maybe it's risky.  It's one thing to say, "life is messy" and it's another to launch an enterprise from the mess. "Check out this awesome new organization. My broke-ass yoga teacher started it when she had no money to get her license back and register her car,"

Here's the thing.  It's not like we can escape discomfort, whether we call it the Upper Limit Problem or anything else.  It's not like we can avoid uncertainty, no matter how much money, sex, vacation time, social status or seniority we have.  Think about any of your personal triumphs or other people's victories that inspire you.  You will find that each one followed failures and upsets.  Joseph Campbell nailed it:
...you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs.  
Destruction before creation. 
Out of perfection nothing can be made.  

What we can do, what I am doing, is bring conscious, compassionate curiosity to whatever is occurring and wonder "How might this experience assist me in being my brightest self?  How does what's occurring show me habitual ways of behaving and thinking that I am ready to release?  How willing am I to experience and share the wonder of being alive?"

Wondering With you, whoever you are, brings me joy.

*Some other post I'll explore how this experience is evidence, for me, that we are all interconnected.