Love in the Time of Discomfort

For the record, I am noticing the discomfort and mess.  And, I wonder if that makes me less credible to coordinate the Love Like That project.  Shouldn't I be emanating loving kindness right about now?

What a load of crap.  Why would I ever do this to myself? Why would I ever put myself in the trap, "I should be..."?

It's a freaking trap.  A trap.  

The good news is that the way out is simple.  See the trap.  

Go ahead, see all the traps you've laid out for yourself:

• How you should parent. 
• How you should spend your time. 
• How many times a week you should have sex. 
• How other people should behave.

It's relentless!

Every time you see a trap, remind yourself that you are loving awareness.  You are not the trap or the frustration of stepping in the trap; you are the loving awareness of those experiences.  

Lately, I have been feeling tension all day long.  I'm not quite sure why I feel this way but now I wonder if I'm caught in an unconscious "should" trap.  Earlier, when I was looking for a technique to help me be with the tension, I remembered tonglen practice. There is no reason for me to explain it; Pema Chodron does it beautifully.  Tonglen saves me because it connects me with other people.  

I am loving awareness. I am loving awareness.  I am loving awareness.

Getting the Most from Love Like That

Love Like That is more than reading these emails, posts and links everyday.  It's allowing those materials to soften you up during day to day life.

Love Like That is best integrated with:

• a regular meditation practice
• a regular physical practice
• someone or something that you are accountable to

A regular meditation practice might just be 2 or 3 minutes a day. You can meditate in the car, or even in the office.  Where you are willing to begin, begin there.  

A regular physical practice could be walking for 20 minutes 4 times a week.  

Being accountable to reading the posts everyday, a yoga teacher or a sticky note on your computer screen.  

Stillness, movement and support will allow this project to integrate in your emotional, mental, physical and energetic bodies. My wish for you is that you get the most benefit from Love Like That as possible.  My wish is that our collective benefit aid the world.  

Love and Fear and the Dalai Llama

I first watched the movie Kundun when I was pregnant with my daughter.  Kundun, directed by Martin Scorsese, is a biographical film about the 14th Dalai Llama.  What impressed me most about the movie was how it depicted the monks' way of parenting the Dalai Llama.  Essentially, they saturated him in Love.  I thought, "who wouldn't be the Dalai Llama after being loved like that?" 

So I decided to raise my child like she was the Dalai Llama.  

- Fast forward 15 1/2 years -

Two days ago, someone hit my daughter Emma when she was at school.  Her boyfriend witnessed it but did not defend her.  At dinner tonight, Emma told me how disappointed she was that when she first told me about this I was more interested in how she responded to the incident rather than being outraged by the assault and betrayal.  

"Mom.  You can be all la-la and peace and love but you've got to understand that the world is not like that.  The bus driver said that if her son had been there, he would've kicked that guy's ass.  Why can't you just say something like that?" 

        Love is what we were born with. 

                                  Fear is what we have learned here.  

(By the way, Emma is right.  My best friend Michelle is hilarious when I am upset about something.  I'll be feeling my feelings, hearing my thinking, and she'll ask, "do we just want to hate so and so for a couple seconds?" And it cracks me up.  I want to remember to do that for Emma.)     

Learning fear is not a personal failing.  If you think being afraid is a sign of personal weakness, you will avoid facing your fears.  

Avoiding fear is not an option for me because I am plagued by anxiety.  I wake up and within moments I am afraid that I am not free and I won't have time to be who I am or do what I want.  When people don't know me well they are surprised to hear this about me.  I think it's because even though those feelings show up for me, they don't yank my chains.  I face them.  And as long as I see them, they are not in charge.    

You cultivate loving kindness when you face your fears, aggression and cravings.  It might seem counter intuitive but consider this:  whenever you pay attention to uncomfortable experiences, rather than react to them, you empower yourself to make choices.  Each time you are uncomfortable you can choose to open your heart, question your thinking and feel connected with the human family.  This is loving kindness practice.     

So, delight in your discomfort!  Compost your proverbial 'crap' and use it to cultivate loving kindness.  What this practice looks like for me right now is: 

• pausing 
• feeling where there is discomfort (chest, head, etc) and what the discomfort is like (tight, piercing, acute, achy)
• paying attention to my breath
• noticing what I'm thinking 
• And I say this mantra to myself, "I am loving awareness."

Sha-zam! 

Loving Kindness for me, for the moment, for others. 

Repeat and stir.  

Super Bowl Sunday... McFly?

Why do people love football so much?  The reasons don't matter.  People love football.   

Not everyone loves football.  I don't love football. I love my brother.  I enjoy watching football with him because my brother listens to sports radio. This guy knows everything about the coaches and the players!  When I watch a game with him, he gets me engaged by telling me about the people and the relationships on the field.  

(I bet we could do a 1 degree of separation game with Love and Love everything.  You love cow tongue?  I love greek yogurt and greek yogurt comes from cows just like cow tongues.)

I scheduled the first Love Like That conference call during the Super Bowl which is like planning a call during Thanksgiving dinner.  I didn't know the Super Bowl was this Sunday until 4 hours ago. The Sunday 2/2 conference call is canceled.  If you have any questions, send me an email: annainmaine@gmail.com. 

Love is not attachment.  When I get attached to something going a certain way, I am not being Love.  Things going how I planned, or understanding why they did not go as intended, is irrelevant when I consider the awesome nature of love.   

Look, I'll show you: 

Love isn't rational; it is an unfolding of epic proportion.  Love is beyond your brain's capacity to understand.  Which is fine because you don't need to understand or like the big picture to be part of it.  You are swept up in Love whether you know it or not!    

Love Like That!

In case you're wondering, practicing Love will not make you boring. 

Love is not going to eradicate your ego unless it does.  And, if it does, you will be enlightened and we will buy your books from Hay House and listen to your talks on Sounds True and attend your gatherings at Kripalu and you will be glad your ego was eradicated.     

Instead of boring, the practice of Love will make you more interesting. You'll stop telling the same stories about "those" people who are so ignorant or awful.  You'll discover new dimensions of yourself.  You'll listen more. You'll analyze less. You'll enjoy the absurdity of the human predicament rather than rail against it.  

Does Phil Collins seem even remotely boring when he's singing Sussudio?  

No, I didn't think so.  

Sure, he's frustrated with the crowd. It isn't easy to look apathy, suffering and deceit straight in the face. But he does; he sees it.  

He doesn't accuse the audience of anything.

He doesn't give up. 

He sings.   

You are designed to Love Like That. To bring your brilliance forward and transform isolation to connection, apathy to inspiration, and stuck to flow.    

Be part of a project to discover what that practice looks like in your day-to-day life.  Register for Love Like That.  (Yes, you get to the link by clicking on the blue Love Like That words.) We begin Thursday January 30th.    

If you have a song that inspires you to Love Like That, 

post it in the comments section.  

Fresh Choice

It is our choices, Harry, 

that show us what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

~ Albus Dumbledore

Choice is the ultimate expression of consciousness.  

When you feel like there is no choice, you are in a contracted state of awareness.  In other words, any time you think or feel like there is a problem - when you try to prevent, force or control something - you are in a contracted state of awareness, you have lost sight of choice.  

Giving up the right to choose is quite ordinary.  No bigs. 

For almost a week I have been regularly confronted by my resistance to my desk job.  As I shared yesterday, I have a devotion to practice that some people confuse with a mental tick.   So, today I was practicing bringing my best self forward by singing the data I was entering.  That was helpful, actually.  Time passed, resistance resurfaced.  I turned to the right and sighed.  I felt tightness in my jaw and I decided to take a conscious breath.  Holy crap!  I am breathing.  

I took another breath.  

In a flash, I went from resistance to gratitude. I am practicing yoga!

Before I chose to breathe, I was regarding my job as a problem.  I was in a contracted state of awareness.  Simply by making the choice to give conscious awareness to my breath, my world opened up. 

Choice is always present.  As Viktor Frankl said, no matter the circumstance, we can choose our attitude.  And, in any circumstance we can choose where to place our attention:  
fear       love
forcing       allowing
protecting   sharing 
scarcity     abundance
separation    connection
known       new
survival     creation
thinking    experience
contraction    expansion

Singing was cool, but it didn't provide the freedom that breathing did.  I wonder if there are degrees of choice.  Like, if we are stuck in a rut it might be easier to focus on choosing to do one thing or another - choosing to sing rather than sit quietly. And maybe that kind of choice makes it possible to make a more powerful choice - choosing to pay attention to experience, a few fresh breaths, rather than thinking.  

Philosophy I'm not sure I understood
At my parents' house for dinner tonight, Emma said, "Sometimes mom says things to me and I understand only a few words but I just make up the rest and it works out."  This was my exact experience with an undergraduate philosophy course.  We studied several Europeans but the one I remember is Hegel and what he had to say regarding "ought."  I am not even remotely confident I got the gist of what Hegel wanted to communicate.  Like Emma, I took the words I understood and made up the rest:  
There are so many things we don't understand.  There are questions upon questions about the nature of reality and existence.  With no definite answers, we are best guided by choices that cause us to elevate our experience.  

You are a miracle.  
You don't know otherwise.  You can't possibly have proof that you are anything other than a specific expression of the love, trust and wisdom of the entire Universe. 
Remember who you are. 
Don't compromise yourself.  

Real Like That Works!

This is what happens with me.  I read a quote like the one above and it feels like everything comes into focus.  Does that ever happen to you?  Someone says or shows you something and you immediately feel clearer and lighter?  When this happens for me, I practice and share whatever it was that initiated the shift.  Lots of you have heard me say this quote before.  Right?  I even posted it in the Teacher's Room at Portland Power Yoga.    

Here's another example: i just read a book that says our brains do not have the capacity to imagine all possibilities.  So, when I missed a turn taking Emma to cheer practice I said, "Let's keep in mind that we can never know what gifts occurred because I missed that turn."
Emma says, "Yeah but we know we're five minutes late." 

I am committed to relating with myself and others in ways that elevate our experience of love, trust, connection, peace and freedom. What that looks like is me practicing something.  Not everyone appreciates my devotion to the practice.  And, that's okay.

A Colbert-Worthy Life

I like to make stuff up, 
ways of connecting with people,
and intentionally building and sharing good energy.
I like making up Points of View that empower, inspire and entertain me.
I like making paper collages
and videos
and blog posts.
I like discovering the best question for someone
I like making up new categories for old teachings
and fresh ways of putting ideas together.
I like inventing ways to facilitate people transforming stuck to choice.  

So, I guess it's no surprise that I love Stephen Colbert. If you aren't familiar with him, the following link will bring you to a two-minute sketch of his that is emblematic of his style - irreverent, intelligent and animated.  I present you with....The Pope's Secret Life 

How I got to Colbert, is I was being Real Like That.  I was feeling distracted and looking for help focusing my attention on something enlivening.  Stephen Colbert is such a reliable go-to. 20 minutes and I'm rejuvenated!  I am truly grateful for quality entertainment. 

How cool would it be to be a guest on the Colbert Report?  If I am a guest on the Colbert Report then clearly something went very very right.  Do you think for some people it's no big deal to go on the Colbert Report?  I mean, do people take that for granted?  Maybe, some people actually complain about being a guest because it films so late?  Can you imagine?

Okay, if Stephen Colbert doesn't translate for you, pick the personality that does.  And then think about living your life so that you can meet up with them and feel like their equal.  It might sound superficial to suggest this but what I love is the irreverence. It keeps things light.  Living it up, in the sense of turning our light on, bringing our best selves forward, choosing to let the energy move, is not a monastic endeavor.  Necessarily.  

I am inspired to live a Colbert-Worthy life.  I want to be ready for when he comes to the yoga studio.  Which is entirely possible, by the way.  I won't name names, because our celebrity guests deserve to come and go in peace, but I will say that we have had some super famous people at PPY and they are often in my class. I get so nervous and so excited when someone famous comes to practice.  That's another post, though. 

I want to be ready in case Stephen Colbert comes to class and I have a chance to chat him up afterwards.  You know, "Thanks for coming to class.  Other than yoga, what's going on with you?  Really?  Sweet, nice job.  Me?  I'm just wrapping up the Real Like That project.  Life changing, Stephen. You and I could HASH it out on your show. We can go deep and get spiritual on it.  I will give you so much good new material to tease people with. I'm a demographic that your viewers can relate to!" 

Essential Items for Your Unexpected Opportunity to Chat it Up with Stephen Colbert after a Yoga Class:

1. Two stories that give a fresh spin on a familiar social situation.  Stephen will like that, for sure. 
2. Anecdotes demonstrating how you will make his life easier by being on his show. 
3. Immediate access to your best self.

"You will know when you are calm, at peace."

“Hate is real mom, you should post that tonight.”

Then she laughed.

“I am so mad it’s like I’m seeing red.  It doesn’t make sense.”

Pause.

“I think I’m so pissed now because I didn’t stick up for myself last year when Sheila threatened me.  I was just nice.  I think this reminds me of that so now I am furious!”

-----------

How many of those experiences are each of us holding onto?  

I know I discovered one yesterday. 

This question is not meant to scare you.  It’s meant to embolden you to take a closer look at yourself.  We cannot open a door that we don't see.  

The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, 

the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, 

is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect 

to look at ourselves honestly and gently.

~ Pema Chodron

At some point during the rant, I gave Emma the “be the change you want to see in the world” schpeil.  You know, don’t focus on getting other people to do something,   focus on what you can do to create the moment.   Be an example.  Don’t give your power away. As Baron Baptiste puts it, “don’t take someone else’s hot potato.”

“Mom!  That’s not how people are.  You and your shaman voodoo friends might be like that but in the real world people blame each other.” 

As usual, Emma confronts me with something that I struggle with myself - practicing when it seems like other people are not practicing.  

When I was in 8th grade I made myself a poster for my bedroom wall that included the following limerick: 

It's easy enough to be happy

when life goes merrily around

but the man worthwhile

is the man who can smile

when his pants are falling down.

It's hokey, but at the time it reminded me that being happy when things looked crappy was possible.  

Every great wisdom tradition reveals that happiness and peace are inside jobs; happiness and peace have nothing to do with circumstance or results.  As Viktor Frankl put it, "the one thing you can't take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one's freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given circumstance."  This is based on his experience surviving several years in a concentration camp. 

These great wisdom traditions regard cultivating peace of mind as an essential component of daily life.  Along with cooking dinner, brushing your teeth and getting the kids to school.  It's not a luxury. It's not something you do if you can get to it.  It's key for well-being.  Like eating leafy greens.  Give yourself a chance to develop a taste for it. 

Finally, the world's wisdom traditions agree that peace in the world is sourced by peaceful individuals.  People with peace of mind, who can be with themselves in the stillness of a moment, who can experience an uncomfortable feeling and pause, don't create scarcity, violence or shame.  Peace in the heart, Peace in the world. Win-Win.  

Touched by the Hand of Fear

On the surface, some of my life experiences could imply that I am guided by a generous spirit, noble purpose or inspirational vision.  To some extent, sure.  However, I'm chased by fear, too. 

By age 9, I had read Hiroshima, seen extra-terrestrials in my room, watched Salem's Lot (at a girlfriend's 4th grade sleepover party) and seen plenty of news reports about violence.  During the day, I was happy at school and playing with friends but at night I was terrified.  

One night, after seeing something on television that made me nervous, I asked my dad what he would do if something like that happened to me.  He said not to worry, that kind of thing doesn't really happen to people.  Yeah, but what if it does? I asked.  It won't happen, he insisted. 

He was intending to reassure me. Maybe he hoped that I had so much confidence in his perspective, I would give up mine. 

It doesn't really work like that.  Does it?

Instead, I came to the conclusion that if something bad happened, I'd be on my own.  

So, I developed the following evening protocol:

• check that all doors are locked and fire alarms functioning 
• make sure the basement door is locked and the laundry shoot secure so nobody can smash through basement windows and break into the house that way 
• put a clean steak knife under my pillow
• wear a hooded nightgown to bed (in case vampires were real) 
• go through a detailed prayer list every night.  

I still remember those prayers because I was obsessive about reciting them. "God, please don't let someone come and murder all my family but leave me alive to find them.  Please don't let a fire come and burn down the house with all of us in it.  Please protect us from nuclear attacks. Please don't let Grinny and Pop-Pop get hurt, don't let mom and dad get hurt...."  I believed that as long as I remembered to mention someone's name, or name a particular calamity, we would be protected.  I was responsible for everyone's safety and I took this job seriously.    

I carry that experience with me.  

Rather than being touched by the hand of god, I was touched by the hand of fear.  At a certain level, everything I have ever done is sourced as much by fear - that we are not okay, that we are one breath from oblivion - as love. My willingness to be present with fear, to hear my thinking, to choose where to place my attention, to bring my best self forward, transforms that fear to love. Now and back. Now and forward.  This is some powerful shiz.  

Victory is Assured

There is nothing you need to do or have to come alive.  

Your best self is not dependent on circumstance or outcomes. 

Your best self is always victorious: 

Follow your heart. 

Get back up. 

Remember who you are.  

The Ego Whisperer

This winter I bought a CD of guided meditations to increase brain function. I thought it might help me conduct an ego exorcism.  I was sick and tired of all the judging, resisting, scarcity, separation, fear and distractions plaguing my mental space.  I thought the CD would teach me how to re-wire my brain so I could run that ridiculousness out of town.  

Instead, the CD told me to thank my brain.  

Express gratitude for how automatic thinking patterns have protected me in the past, gratitude for how deftly my brain finds familiar patterns and makes tasks easier, gratitude for chemistry that invites conscious awareness in every moment.  

Ego Whispering
The movie The Horse Whisperer, and the documentary about the actual Horse Whisperer, had a powerful impact on me.  His approach makes so much sense.  Be kind.  Be gentle.  Don't force, rush or threaten.  

After those CDs reminded me to thank my brain, it occurred to me to whisper to my ego.  So, when I hear judgement, feel resistance, fear not looking good, I visualize squatting down on my heels and being with whatever part of me is surfacing.  No rush.  Let that part of me come forward.  

Case Study:  the Real Thanks Video Game
The following is an absolutely accurate, though partial, list of what my ego has to say about the Real Thanks Video Game:

• people are going to judge me for being full of myself
• people are going to judge me for being insincere
• someone I respect might email me saying, "please stop doing this."
• people won't "get" gratitude over facebook
• this is stupid
• I am totally out of it and now everyone will know
• I'm a jerk for thinking people might judge me

I'm almost stunned by how vulnerable I have felt simply from making up a "let's make thank you videos" game and inviting people to play.  

I mean, if I started a nudist colony, I would expect to feel afraid.  

But, inviting people to express their thanks?

Knock-Knock.  
Who's There?
Karma

I've been ego-whispering myself.  Letting myself be with the mental chatter, and the feelings that come along with it, has transformed my relationship with my ego.  My ego is not something to resist, it's the signpost for freedom that says:

You are on fertile ground. 

You are shifting how you are in the world. 

You make that shift by forgiving yourself 
for not being like this before. 

I forgive myself for all the times I have doubted other people's  motives. I forgive myself for not paying attention to invitations  that could have been of benefit to me. I forgive myself for being cynical.  I forgive myself for the hurt I may have caused when I was doubting.  

Freedom!

Of course, it helps that the game is sourced by my calling.  It helps that I practice yoga, that I sit in stillness every day. It helps that I'm the facilitator of Real Like That and inside an empowering conversation about who we are. 

Why Not Play the Real Thanks Video Game*?
Nobody has to make a video and send it or post it; this is an invitation and entirely optional.    
Pay attention to how you feel when you consider making and sending/posting a video of thanks.  
Listen to your reasons for why or why not.  
Distinguish your ego from your best self. 
Whisper.   

*link to Real Thanks Video Game: http://wonderwithinstitute.blogspot.com/2014/01/2014-starts-with-real-thanks.html

2014 starts with Real Thanks

Real Thanks Video Game 

Create 30-second videos thanking a person/group/project/place for the positive difference that she/he/it has made for you.

Why?

Other people will feel good hearing/seeing you thanking them.

You will feel good thanking them.

Gratitude brings out the best in ourselves and each other. 

 Appreciation activates interconnection, joy and abundance.

Inception

I am so thankful for the Real Like That project participants that gratitude became the theme for today's communication.  I made you a video 

and then made a video for  Portland Power Yoga.  That felt so good that I decided to create a simple template for you and other people to participate spreading gratitude: Real Thanks Video Game.

This is not one of those "send 3 videos in 3 hours to have miracles unfold in your life" kind of things. I always feel uncomfortable with those; like there’s a test to pass or a reward somewhere providing I do what someone else tells me to do.  That’s not what this is about.  This is simply an invitation to play with gratitude.

How to play

• Take a moment and reflect on an individual, group, experience, or place that has made a positive difference for you in the past year.
• Make a 30-second video expressing your appreciation.
• Post the video on the person/organization/place’s facebook page. 
• Repeat with as many other people/organizations as you like. 

Making the video*

1. 30 seconds is a suggestion for video length

2. let yourself practice filming

3. be specific rather than general

And have fun!  This is not about being the next Spike Lee or Oprah Winfrey, it’s about saying thanks. 

*This is a one-and-a-half-minute instructional video if that's helpful or entertaining.