Love and Fear and the Dalai Llama

I first watched the movie Kundun when I was pregnant with my daughter.  Kundun, directed by Martin Scorsese, is a biographical film about the 14th Dalai Llama.  What impressed me most about the movie was how it depicted the monks' way of parenting the Dalai Llama.  Essentially, they saturated him in Love.  I thought, "who wouldn't be the Dalai Llama after being loved like that?" 

So I decided to raise my child like she was the Dalai Llama.  

- Fast forward 15 1/2 years -

Two days ago, someone hit my daughter Emma when she was at school.  Her boyfriend witnessed it but did not defend her.  At dinner tonight, Emma told me how disappointed she was that when she first told me about this I was more interested in how she responded to the incident rather than being outraged by the assault and betrayal.  

"Mom.  You can be all la-la and peace and love but you've got to understand that the world is not like that.  The bus driver said that if her son had been there, he would've kicked that guy's ass.  Why can't you just say something like that?" 

        Love is what we were born with. 

                                  Fear is what we have learned here.  

(By the way, Emma is right.  My best friend Michelle is hilarious when I am upset about something.  I'll be feeling my feelings, hearing my thinking, and she'll ask, "do we just want to hate so and so for a couple seconds?" And it cracks me up.  I want to remember to do that for Emma.)     

Learning fear is not a personal failing.  If you think being afraid is a sign of personal weakness, you will avoid facing your fears.  

Avoiding fear is not an option for me because I am plagued by anxiety.  I wake up and within moments I am afraid that I am not free and I won't have time to be who I am or do what I want.  When people don't know me well they are surprised to hear this about me.  I think it's because even though those feelings show up for me, they don't yank my chains.  I face them.  And as long as I see them, they are not in charge.    

You cultivate loving kindness when you face your fears, aggression and cravings.  It might seem counter intuitive but consider this:  whenever you pay attention to uncomfortable experiences, rather than react to them, you empower yourself to make choices.  Each time you are uncomfortable you can choose to open your heart, question your thinking and feel connected with the human family.  This is loving kindness practice.     

So, delight in your discomfort!  Compost your proverbial 'crap' and use it to cultivate loving kindness.  What this practice looks like for me right now is: 

• pausing 
• feeling where there is discomfort (chest, head, etc) and what the discomfort is like (tight, piercing, acute, achy)
• paying attention to my breath
• noticing what I'm thinking 
• And I say this mantra to myself, "I am loving awareness."

Sha-zam! 

Loving Kindness for me, for the moment, for others. 

Repeat and stir.