"You will know when you are calm, at peace."

“Hate is real mom, you should post that tonight.”

Then she laughed.

“I am so mad it’s like I’m seeing red.  It doesn’t make sense.”

Pause.

“I think I’m so pissed now because I didn’t stick up for myself last year when Sheila threatened me.  I was just nice.  I think this reminds me of that so now I am furious!”

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How many of those experiences are each of us holding onto?  

I know I discovered one yesterday. 

This question is not meant to scare you.  It’s meant to embolden you to take a closer look at yourself.  We cannot open a door that we don't see.  

The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, 

the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, 

is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect 

to look at ourselves honestly and gently.

~ Pema Chodron

At some point during the rant, I gave Emma the “be the change you want to see in the world” schpeil.  You know, don’t focus on getting other people to do something,   focus on what you can do to create the moment.   Be an example.  Don’t give your power away. As Baron Baptiste puts it, “don’t take someone else’s hot potato.”

“Mom!  That’s not how people are.  You and your shaman voodoo friends might be like that but in the real world people blame each other.” 

As usual, Emma confronts me with something that I struggle with myself - practicing when it seems like other people are not practicing.  

When I was in 8th grade I made myself a poster for my bedroom wall that included the following limerick: 

It's easy enough to be happy

when life goes merrily around

but the man worthwhile

is the man who can smile

when his pants are falling down.

It's hokey, but at the time it reminded me that being happy when things looked crappy was possible.  

Every great wisdom tradition reveals that happiness and peace are inside jobs; happiness and peace have nothing to do with circumstance or results.  As Viktor Frankl put it, "the one thing you can't take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one's freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given circumstance."  This is based on his experience surviving several years in a concentration camp. 

These great wisdom traditions regard cultivating peace of mind as an essential component of daily life.  Along with cooking dinner, brushing your teeth and getting the kids to school.  It's not a luxury. It's not something you do if you can get to it.  It's key for well-being.  Like eating leafy greens.  Give yourself a chance to develop a taste for it. 

Finally, the world's wisdom traditions agree that peace in the world is sourced by peaceful individuals.  People with peace of mind, who can be with themselves in the stillness of a moment, who can experience an uncomfortable feeling and pause, don't create scarcity, violence or shame.  Peace in the heart, Peace in the world. Win-Win.