Bird's and Songs
I am regularly astounded, astounded I tell you, at how neurotic my mind is. For example, lately my mind is wondering whether certain people (not you!) resent me for expressing myself. I have this feeling that when I sing my song, some people think that means I think I have the answer.
This is called neurosis. This experience is in my head, it causes anxiety and it is persistent.
In the past, I would judge myself for an experience like this. I would discredit my intuitive sense of things and decide I was out of integrity because I was not assuming the best about people. Not this time. I'm throwing a big 'ol "I am loving awareness of my thinking and my feelings and so ons and so forths" on that neurosis.
I practice remembering who I am - loving awareness - and I invite other people to practice with me. If some people don't like that, I can live with that.
Sharks and Blood
I'm learning to trust myself without making other people wrong. This learning crystalized a few months ago when Alice Riccardi (owner and Director of Teachers at Portland Power Yoga) wrote a Facebook post about sharks. Essentially, she wrote that it is neither wise nor compassionate to pretend sharks are like kittens. It is not kind to sharks to make them out to be something other than what they are. They are sharks. If you are bleeding and jump into a shark tank, no amount of wishful thinking will prevent you from being eaten alive. Better to see the shark for what it is and not put it in the position to eat you alive. Good for you. Good for shark.
It is possible that some people think I think I have an answer and want to eat me alive for that. I don't know one way or the other. If that situation arises in real life, rather than just in my neurotic brain, I will not jump in a shark tank with a bleeding wound. I have no answers. People can practice with me or not. People can eat a bologna sandwich or watch The Big Bang Theory or do any number of things.
Opening and Closing
Part of being open in your mind and open in your heart is seeing where you are closed in your mind and closed in your heart. Loving kindness practice involves bringing light to dark places. In you. Seeing the darkness in you can be confronting.
Like, "shit, I was off judging so and so for days, months, years before I realized that I was doing that. I didn't even think I was judging them. I just thought I was right!" I mean, it takes courage to see that kind of pattern and continue facing the truth.
What I do is listen to sweet stories to calm my mind after seeing something that I consider "dark." If you don't know Mooji yet, he is a lovely teacher. This 7 1/2 minute video is called Don't Try to Love Everybody. Mooji basically says, "don't jump in a shark tank." I would add - whether it's real or imagined.
**Friendly Reminder**
The impact of Love Like That will expand exponentially with:
- a regular meditation practice
- a regular physical practice
- someone or something that you are accountable to
So Anna - how do you handle wanting to have a loving relationship with someone because it would be healthy however every time you make an effort, you are reminded why you don't have that loving relationship. You wait and then try again... And it repeats, and repeats, and repeats.....
ReplyDeleteAnd don't worry if you don't have the answer, I won't want to eat you alive for it!!!
This is a good coaching call question. What I can share in comments are a couple questions to explore: Why are you continuing to engage a relationship that is not working for you? How is going back over and over, when it doesn't feel loving, good for you or anyone else? What are you refusing to accept?
ReplyDeleteI'm refusing to accept the answer to that last question!!!! LOL... Points taken.. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks.