Sad and Grateful Love

Today, after Alice and I agreed that I cannot give to PPY what I want to give as a yoga teacher right now, I cried. 

I got home and called Michelle

Me:  I am just so sad.  I won't be on the teaching schedule.  I won't
        be a yoga teacher at PPY.  I'm sad like heart-broken sad.  But
        there is no regret, no resentment, no problem  It's just like 
        this clean kind of raw sadness.  With gratitude.  I'm just so
        grateful I got to be there as long as I was.  But still I'm so sad.   

Michelle:  Yeah, honey.  You did a good job becoming a yoga 
                  teacher.  Alice challenged you to grow and you worked 
                  really hard.  You love that.  

Me:  Exactly.

Michelle:  And, you love teaching yoga.  You get a vehicle for 
                  putting your life into practice.  

I cried again. 

Me:  I know.  That's why I'm sad.  I am grieving loss. I 
         don't have any regrets.  There are no problems.  It's just that
         my heart hurts. 

         I'm going to write about how I am so grateful for Alice and 
         PPY tonight.  I wish for everyone to be loved like that; loved
         like PPY has loved me. 

It has been an honor and privilege to teach at PPY.  

Alice taught me how to access wisdom in my body.  
She trained me to serve others.  
And she got me intimately related with my Boddhichitta heart.  
How can I begin to describe her impact?  I don't know yet.  

With the managers, sevateers and assistants, the teachers at PPY created a net to hold my life with me.  The love and support I received in the teachers room, office and lobby is Infinite and humbling.  

May that net extend outward and hold everyone.