Stage IV Ego Inflammation Disorder

Feedback is Challenging 

After 2 years of physical pain and being treated by several different allopathic and naturopathic practitioners, I hired  Mona Lisa Schultz for a medical intuitive reading. After a couple minutes in silence, she gave me a two minute summary of what she perceived to be the energetic source of my pain.  Then she said, "you can have a full refund if this initial summary does not resonate with you. Every once in awhile, a client reports that I am not reading them accurately.  If that is the case for you I will refund all your money. Would you like to proceed?"  

I did not like what she had to say; the reading was not what I expected or wanted to hear. Her synopsis of the core challenges in my life threatened my identity.  She was seeing things about me that I didn't see. Even though my ego was getting rowdy, my trust and respect for Mona Lisa gave me the courage to choose her reading, to let her see me, to receive her feedback.  

Distinguishing Feedback

Feedback is not a list of grievances.  That is complaining. 

Feedback is not convincing someone of all the errors they have made.  That is fault-finding.  

Feedback is not telling the other person what they need to do differently. That is giving advice that nobody asks for or wants. 

Feedback is sharing what you see/feel could be going on for somebody else that they may not see themselves
because they are in the midst of the goings on.  

Choice and trust are the first containers for feedback. When you give and receive feedback, you are allowing someone else to see you. This vulnerability can trigger any or all of the following unconscious and painful beliefs: 

• being a good person means nobody else can see a place for you to grow
• if someone sees an opportunity for you to grow, what they are really seeing is that you suck
• if someone sees an opportunity for you to grow that you didn’t see first, you are inferior
• people who love you won’t expect you to grow
• the most important thing is being comfortable 
• you can control how other people perceive you
• addressing fear and violence in the world is separate from addressing fear and violence in your heart

Feedback and neural plasticity exist side by side. Your availability to give and receive feedback (versus blame, fault-find or complain) is directly related to how confident you feel in your ability to choose what to think at any moment.  (If you assume you can choose what you think at any moment, take a moment and list all the things that people, you included, need to do to "shape up."  That list shows you where you do not choose what to think.)

Giving Feedback

You are not available to give feedback to someone if:

• you are suspicious of their motives
• you are mad at them for something in the past
• you are upset with them for something in the present
• you are trying to control their behavior to avoid something in the future
• they have to agree with you to prove to you that they respect you
• you are right and the other person is wrong and your mission is to make the other person see that
• you have a plan that someone has to follow in order for you to forgive them
• you are not comfortable telling that person how awesome they are

If any of those things are between you and another person, feedback is not possible, only fault-finding.  

Hearing Feedback

• Remember it is your choice whether or not to receive someone's feedback. If someone is forcing feedback on you, it is not feedback. It is unsolicited advice at best.  
• Keep in mind that people can only see in others what they see in themselves.
• If you feel triggered by feedback, you can ask yourself if you trust this person.  If not, the two of you have some talking or parting to do. 
• Consider that you are doing someone an enormous honor by listening to their feedback.