Yesterday, Emma and I were in the car heading to my brother's house. We had two missions: see our 8-day-old cousin/nephew Eliot and visit with my Dad. Some of you might remember, from Love Like That, that my dad had hip surgery recently. After weeks of physical therapy and rest, he was cleared to drive. His first big trip? Maine to meet Eliot.
Sunday morning my brother Luke and sister-in-law Hill took Eliot to their niece's baptism; my dad stayed home watching their other two boys - Benjamin and Oliver. (Ben, director of Animals in Space 2 .)
Me: Emma, when we get to Luke's can you help with the boys so that Pop-Pop can relax? Or, I'll help with the boys and you can chill with Pop-Pop? I want to make sure he's recovering.
Emma: Mom, why don't we get there first and then feel it out.
Me: Emma.... you're right. Sounds good.
We talk some more about my Dad and family and at some point Emma says that her hips have been sore.
Me: Let's practice some yin yoga this afternoon. It will totally help.
Emma: That one where you're all still and quiet?
Me: Yes. You liked it. Remember?
Emma: No Mom, I hated it. I fell asleep. I hate stillness. I hate quiet.
Me: Why?
Emma: I just do.
Me: What about being still makes you hate it?
Emma: Mom, stop annoying me! I just hate it.
Me: I'm not trying to make you do anything, Emma. You're so clear you hate stillness and I'm curious why.
~ pause while Emma contemplates whether her mom is selling her snake oil ~
Emma: I just don't like quiet. I'd rather listen to music, or the rain, or someone telling a good story.
Me: I like listening to all those things, too. Here's the thing... my teachers say that freedom and stillness and quiet are all related.
Emma: It's impossible to be quiet. Nobody can do it.
Me: What do you mean?
Emma: People's minds are always thinking things. That's not going to stop. And there's always noises and things happening. Quiet is impossible.
Me: Yeah, I get what you're saying. It's true - our minds are not going to stop thinking and there will probably always be noise in our environment. But there's a quiet behind the noise. This quiet stillness is the place that we hear noise from.
Emma: So?
Me: Well, when we connect with that quiet stillness we connect with our true nature, we experience who we really are. And being connected with our true nature - not just all the thinking and noise that goes on in our heads - makes it possible to be free and happy no matter how chaotic and noisy life is.
Emma: No.
Me: No?
Emma: No. That's a hippy shaman lie.
Me: No?
Emma: No. That's a hippy shaman lie.
We laugh.
Me: Nice, Emma. You've taken a look and experienced this to be a lie?
Emma: It's just so stupid, mom. Stillness? How are you going to live your life?
Me: Feel it out.
Me: Nice, Emma. You've taken a look and experienced this to be a lie?
Emma: It's just so stupid, mom. Stillness? How are you going to live your life?
Me: Feel it out.
LOL.... Poor Emma having a mom as awesome as you! She won't know for years how lucky she is!!! I get the quiet, that internal calmness that helps me figure out where I am and where my next step should be. And it is a feeling more than a thought. However I agree with Emma also that there is so much noise and clutter around, that it is hard to even remember to go there. I still have to consciously make an effort to get to that quiet, it doesn't come naturally to me....
ReplyDeleteOne of the gifts that Emma gives me, and the world, is that she is 100% authentic. She doesn't hide her resistance or doubt. Or, dress it up in being polite, (see how I’m framing this in such a positive light), at least not for her mother. By being so forthright, I think she gives voice to what a lot of us experience.
ReplyDeleteWhile I include her challenging in posts, because I sense they are useful ways of addressing our collective skepticism, she is one of the most insightful, grounded, authentic people I know.
The other day – and I alluded to this in an earlier post – she was very angry with me. And, after a couple rants she said, “you know, this isn’t worth being angry about. I’m going to let go of this.” And, she did. Just like that.
In terms of accessing that quiet stillness, for me it's been a regular practice. First through yin yoga, then a regular meditation practice, now in satsang with Mooji. And in satsang I've begun experiencing the ease of being here, being quiet. Like, I'd been jerking the manual shift for years, screeching the clutch, getting nervous I was ruining someone's transmission, thinking I could think my way into driving a standard. Something's shifted. There's less effort. Give thanks and praise haleluia amen rock on holla!!!!